Help!
 

I'm new to programming.

Should I learn Ruby, Python, Perl, PHP, or C++? What are the advantages and disadvantages of each?

I assume the name Mind the gap is referring to the gap between your ears ? ;)

Good one, buddy.

I'm new to programming and all. Sorry if I said anything stupid. :/

It's not what you said, it's how and where you posted it. Perhaps you should do a little research yourself and ask yourself what it is you actually want to accomplish. Different tasks - different languages.

You might also consider that the subject line is intended for use in searching the forums for previous answers to questions. "Help!!!" turns up a shitload of posts with little relevance. I'd recommend that you read the forum's FAQ/rules and a "How to Post a Question" thread. In the FAQ/rules you will find a link to Eric Raymond's "Smart Questions". You might want to read that, too.

I really dont know what I want to accomplish. I want to create IM clients and web applications and put them all in a website which I designed.

If you want to design IM clients, you have a long way to go. But I would recommend Java or C# (go with C# if you only want to target windows). You are going to need to learn the basics first. So, start with Google.

Okay, so I should learn C# or Java. I'm on a mac and I want to do most of my stuff on the mac, so which language is more mac compatible?

I don't do much with macs. I know the whole thing with "mac is 40% windows" and what not. I've read the articles, but I have no idea how C# would perform, or if it even does. With that said, I would go with java.

If you want you can do all your programming within a virtual machine.

Edit: It's basically like running another os within another one, so if you want you can use a virtual machine software on the mac and install a common operating system such as windows or linux.