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DaWei · Mar 21st, 2007, 3:40 AM

I drink my scotch with a fork and suck my steak through a swizzle stick. I write my code on a papyrus scroll, from the back, using Gutenberg-era type. (Ink is so yesterday, but embossing is in, again.)

It gets compiled to machine code and put into the machine by an out-of-work bookkeeper with a green eyeshade. I found him clearing a Brazilian jungle with a butter knife and armed him with a mirror, a bank of toggle switches, a telephone cable, and a bagful of two-headed alligator clips. He works for peanuts and picked up on the swizzle stick gig really quickly.

Now, you tell one. :beard:

Bill · Mar 21st, 2007, 9:36 AM

Let me see if I can top that!
I can spit farther, belch louder and smell worse than any man west of the Rockies. I eat 16 penny nails and roofing tacks come out. I drink fermented wolverine sweat for breakfast.
I write binary code on scrap iron with a piece of soapstone and scan it into my computer using OCR. I make my wife and kids use a pedal powered generator to allow me to surf the web for hours on end.
And last but not least I am politically uncorrect.:eek:

Sane · Mar 21st, 2007, 5:08 PM

I love you guys ...

crawforddavid2006 · Mar 21st, 2007, 5:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bill

I eat 16 penny nails and roofing tacks come out.

ROFLMFAO

pegasus001 · Mar 22nd, 2007, 7:40 AM

Very good guys. Both in pole position.

PhilBon · Mar 22nd, 2007, 12:23 PM

Is there a reason why I really don't understand this?

titaniumdecoy · Mar 22nd, 2007, 12:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PhilBon

Is there a reason why I really don't understand this?

You're not a real man.

DaWei · Mar 22nd, 2007, 2:14 PM

I often see it implied (not just on this forum) that unless one does something in the absolutely most difficult way, one is not truly skilled. I call "bullshit."

I also find that one can sometimes gain a better perception of circumstances if one considers the extremes. The other extreme here is Mild Mannered Merlin, who merely waves his magic metal wand and produces a complex, glitch-free, and totally secure application. He then steps into his phone booth, rips off his geekly duds, and emerges in an Armani suit with lebenty-jillion ducats in pocket change.

In observing these extremes, one immediately realizes that there is a gradient. One may then form some sensible idea of where to place oneself, even if one not going to get anywhere near the booth, the billions, and the bevy of beauties.

Bill · Mar 22nd, 2007, 3:09 PM

Ahh! A so called happy medium then.

I wish I could find this middle ground somewhere. I guess because I am hard headed, I seem to be stuck doing everything the hard way, and not just coding. If something doesn't work I tend to have the find a bigger hammer mentality rather than figuring another, possibly easier way to do it.

PS: I do eat quiche occasionally, but just don't let it get out.

mackenga · Mar 22nd, 2007, 5:59 PM

Well I maintain production line control software written in Visual Basic 6, intended to be a semi-working demo and used live for upwards of a decade, running on XP machines and talking to PLCs over ethernet and date code printers down a serial line. One thread and minimal use of events, maximal use of polling. The code was written by a crowd of developers, some of whom had never coded in VB before or even on the Win32 platform. None of the code is documented, having mainly congealed over time as its role 'evolved' (read: changed drastically and rapidly in response to various management whims), and most of the developers never met or discussed the design. However, when I make a single line change I am compelled to complete at least 12 pages of documentation using a buggy template hacked together in Microsoft Word, which is printed out, signed by numerous people, and tucked away where nobody ever reads it (it's meaningless without any documentation of the existing system anyway).

No two lines of code follow the same conventions and decisions are often based on the background colour of a control with some responses to events being triggered by the Change event of a label or some similar perversion (this is as bad as Intercal's COME FROM in my opinion). The six or seven distinct applications (all fulfilling an essentially similar role) are all built completely differently from each other, and even use different configuration file formats and different ways of parsing them.

And I didn't even have to make it up. I get paid less than DaWei's out of work book-keeper, too (haven't seen a peanut in many moons). Not sure if this makes me a real man or an unfortunate soul in the overall scheme of things but I do know I'm looking for a Perl development position, ideally with a sprinkling of Postgres; if anyone knows of one going in Scotland, let me know where to send my CV (where my current duties will be described a little differently but that's playing the game I guess).

In case you think I'm exaggerating, here's a representative code snippet (hopefully I don't get found and fired...):

(Toggle Plain Text)

          If Not (blnDontGetNewObject) Then

90          m_adoConnection.Open strConnectionString

          Else

            m_adoConnection.Close

            m_adoConnection.Open

        End If

Mar 21st, 2007, 3:40 AM	#1
DaWei Resident Grouch Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 6,453 Rep Power: 10	Real men don't eat quiche I drink my scotch with a fork and suck my steak through a swizzle stick. I write my code on a papyrus scroll, from the back, using Gutenberg-era type. (Ink is so yesterday, but embossing is in, again.) It gets compiled to machine code and put into the machine by an out-of-work bookkeeper with a green eyeshade. I found him clearing a Brazilian jungle with a butter knife and armed him with a mirror, a bank of toggle switches, a telephone cable, and a bagful of two-headed alligator clips. He works for peanuts and picked up on the swizzle stick gig really quickly. Now, you tell one. :beard: __________________ Abstraction doesn't make it impossible to write bad code; it makes it possible to write superior code. Contributor's Corner: Grumpy on C++ Exceptions DaWei on Pointers

Mar 21st, 2007, 5:08 PM	#3
Sane Banned Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Waterloo, Ontario Posts: 2,101 Rep Power: 6	I love you guys ... __________________ Looking for tough programming challenges? Try participating in Sane's Monthly Algorithms Challenges! Composing Techno is a little side hobby of mine. Techno by DJ Sane. All free for download.

Mar 22nd, 2007, 7:40 AM	#5
pegasus001 Hobbyist Programmer Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: 163H Posts: 215 Rep Power: 3	Very good guys. Both in pole position. __________________ You never test the depth of a river with both feet. The believer is happy. The doubter is wise. Free speech carries with it some freedom to listen. The next generation will always surpass the previous one. It`s one of the never ending cycles of life.

Mar 22nd, 2007, 2:14 PM	#8
DaWei Resident Grouch Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 6,453 Rep Power: 10	I often see it implied (not just on this forum) that unless one does something in the absolutely most difficult way, one is not truly skilled. I call "bullshit." I also find that one can sometimes gain a better perception of circumstances if one considers the extremes. The other extreme here is Mild Mannered Merlin, who merely waves his magic metal wand and produces a complex, glitch-free, and totally secure application. He then steps into his phone booth, rips off his geekly duds, and emerges in an Armani suit with lebenty-jillion ducats in pocket change. In observing these extremes, one immediately realizes that there is a gradient. One may then form some sensible idea of where to place oneself, even if one not going to get anywhere near the booth, the billions, and the bevy of beauties. __________________ Abstraction doesn't make it impossible to write bad code; it makes it possible to write superior code. Contributor's Corner: Grumpy on C++ Exceptions DaWei on Pointers

Mar 22nd, 2007, 5:59 PM	#10
mackenga Professional Programmer Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Glasgow, Scotland Posts: 328 Rep Power: 4	Well I maintain production line control software written in Visual Basic 6, intended to be a semi-working demo and used live for upwards of a decade, running on XP machines and talking to PLCs over ethernet and date code printers down a serial line. One thread and minimal use of events, maximal use of polling. The code was written by a crowd of developers, some of whom had never coded in VB before or even on the Win32 platform. None of the code is documented, having mainly congealed over time as its role 'evolved' (read: changed drastically and rapidly in response to various management whims), and most of the developers never met or discussed the design. However, when I make a single line change I am compelled to complete at least 12 pages of documentation using a buggy template hacked together in Microsoft Word, which is printed out, signed by numerous people, and tucked away where nobody ever reads it (it's meaningless without any documentation of the existing system anyway). No two lines of code follow the same conventions and decisions are often based on the background colour of a control with some responses to events being triggered by the Change event of a label or some similar perversion (this is as bad as Intercal's COME FROM in my opinion). The six or seven distinct applications (all fulfilling an essentially similar role) are all built completely differently from each other, and even use different configuration file formats and different ways of parsing them. And I didn't even have to make it up. I get paid less than DaWei's out of work book-keeper, too (haven't seen a peanut in many moons). Not sure if this makes me a real man or an unfortunate soul in the overall scheme of things but I do know I'm looking for a Perl development position, ideally with a sprinkling of Postgres; if anyone knows of one going in Scotland, let me know where to send my CV (where my current duties will be described a little differently but that's playing the game I guess). In case you think I'm exaggerating, here's a representative code snippet (hopefully I don't get found and fired...): (Toggle Plain Text) If Not (blnDontGetNewObject) Then 90 m_adoConnection.Open strConnectionString Else m_adoConnection.Close m_adoConnection.Open End If If Not (blnDontGetNewObject) Then 90 m_adoConnection.Open strConnectionString Else m_adoConnection.Close m_adoConnection.Open End If __________________ "I'm not a genius. Why do I have to suffer?" Last edited by mackenga; Mar 22nd, 2007 at 6:03 PM. Reason: Added code snippet...

Mar 21st, 2007, 9:36 AM	#2
Bill Newbie Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 4 Rep Power: 0	Let me see if I can top that! I can spit farther, belch louder and smell worse than any man west of the Rockies. I eat 16 penny nails and roofing tacks come out. I drink fermented wolverine sweat for breakfast. I write binary code on scrap iron with a piece of soapstone and scan it into my computer using OCR. I make my wife and kids use a pedal powered generator to allow me to surf the web for hours on end. And last but not least I am politically uncorrect.:eek:

Mar 22nd, 2007, 12:23 PM	#6
PhilBon Hobbyist Programmer Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 172 Rep Power: 4	Is there a reason why I really don't understand this?

Mar 22nd, 2007, 3:09 PM	#9
Bill Newbie Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 4 Rep Power: 0	Ahh! A so called happy medium then. I wish I could find this middle ground somewhere. I guess because I am hard headed, I seem to be stuck doing everything the hard way, and not just coding. If something doesn't work I tend to have the find a bigger hammer mentality rather than figuring another, possibly easier way to do it. PS: I do eat quiche occasionally, but just don't let it get out.

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Real men don't eat quiche